
"It's kind of a double-edged sword isn't it? If you say you
haven't [had sex], you're a prude. If you say you have [had
sex], you're a slut. It's a trap."
Virginity is a tricky concept. As a culture we've explored it in
our films, TV shows, books and classrooms, but we still
don't have a clear-cut definition of what it entails or why it's
important...
To get more answers to those questions, Huffington
Post asked its female readers to send in their virginity
stories — the good, the bad, the simply "meh." We received
submissions from women in their teens through their 50s,
within the United States and abroad.
And even though everyone had a story about their "first
time," each of those stories is very different. The diversity of
experiences shared with us further underscores the fact
that a person's first time can mean a lot of different things.
-"He was married, 30 years older than me"-
He was married, 30 years older than me, and guilty as hell. I
kept pushing for it. I wanted it. Until I got it. As soon as I
had a naked man writhing on top of me, all I could think
was, "God, I hope I never have to do this again!"
–32 years old lady, Toronto
-"It didn't hurt at all, but it wasn't good"-
I was 15 and he was almost 19. We never talked about if we
had "done it" before but I hadn't and I don't think he had
either. I had given guys blow jobs and been fingered and
made out with people so I thought "no big deal!" Right?
Wrong. Making eye contact was embarrassing for me and
making out was weird to do while we were "doing it." It
didn't hurt at all but it wasn't good. I was not aroused at all
anymore and I was seriously wondering if I was asexual or
something … Afterward, [we] talked about [it] for hours and
then by that time I was finally turned on enough that we
had enjoyable sex.
–18 years old girl, Utah
-"I lost my virginity on a trampoline"-
All my friends had lost "theirs" earlier than me, but I had
told myself I was waiting [until] at least 16. Well 16 rolled
around and we went to a gin and juice party. Unfortunately,
I laid my eyes on the hottest guy at the party and then laid
down with him on a trampoline. It wasn't magical or the
special waterfall I imagined. But, saying I lost my virginity on
a trampoline has made for some great conversations.
–31 years old lady, Virginia
-"He just friend requested me on Facebook"-
I was 15. Christmas night. On the basement floor. Partner?
17-year-old steady boyfriend of several months. It was his
first time too. He just friend requested me on Facebook
currently. I'm 53, happily married for the second time for 26
years.
–53 years old mum, Illinois
-"After we did it, we got out of the car and both went our
separate ways"-
I lost my virginity with a guy from my class I was in love
with. I was 18 years old. I had a crush on him since first
grade. He was out of reach until we started joking about it.
Then I asked him what if things [went] there and so, the
next day we met up. It was also his first time, so it wasn't
uncomfortable or anything. It didn't hurt at all. The
weirdest part was [after] we did it, we got out of the car and
we both went our separate ways. I told him, "See ya on
Monday at school!" And that was it. We never dated, but we
kept meeting like that for the next three years. I didn't date
anyone else. He was my first love and I don't regret one
moment of it. The only sad thing is that we weren't even
friends. I haven't seen him in ages, but my memories are so
great and I love it.
–25 years old girl, Croatia
-"Most unromantic night imaginable"-
We were both 17. My mom gave me a ride to his house. His
parents were out of town and my mom had no clue of
course. Things moved along and all of a sudden there we
were in his bedroom with music on. We got to the point of
either we do or we don't, so we did. As we developed a
rhythm, kind of, the doorbell rings, not once but frantically.
My first thought was, "Oh my God, it's my mom!" We start
freaking out looking for our clothes. He finds his first and
runs down to see who it is. Turns out to be a group of his
friends who showed up to invite us bowling. We got back to
things, finished and the doorbell rings again. This time it's
planned, different friends coming to give me a ride home...
Then they somehow spotted a condom wrapper in the
trash. Next of course were high fives and more laughing.
Most un-romantic night imaginable.
–Age and location not provided
-"I asked what no man ever wants to hear: 'Is it
in?'"-
My first time is the sort of story that mothers have
nightmares about their only daughter having. I was two
months shy of my 16th birthday and instead of the sweet
seduction of an R. Kelly song in the background, I had [the
horror movie] "When A Stranger Calls". It was 2 a.m. and I
had snuck over to my "secret-totally-unhealthy-bootycall-
who-I-thought-was-a-good-guy-but-actually-a-man-whore"
and felt judgement as the guards let me in. (I was a
Diplomat's kid and we had security). I remember his body
on top of mine asking me "Are you sure?" and my response
was "Yes, I'm sure."
After a heavy breath I felt something. Not pain but,
uncertainty and I asked what no man ever wants to hear:
"Is it in?" He replied with "Yeah, it's in, can't you feel it?"A few
minutes later, I had a sweaty guy on top of me, breathing
heavily saying how amazing it felt. I turned my face and
watched [actress] Camilla Bell scream. I didn't even realize
'til it was over that I never even got a kiss out of it. I walked
back home, snuck in and showered before falling asleep
until my alarm went off for school. I can't ever look at
Camilla Bell without thinking of that time.
–22 years old girl, Los Angeles
-"The only thing he didn't know about me was
that I was still a virgin"-
I lost my virginity quite late, I was 24: way too old. I was
dating a guy but the only thing he didn't know about me was
that I was still a virgin. Every time we made out I made up a
silly excuse not to have sex because I was afraid I'd bleed
and reveal the embarrassing truth: that I was a virgin. I say
"embarrassing" because I assumed being a virgin at that
age was something wrong — that I was unwanted, ugly,
undesirable and therefore, unworthy as a woman, that all
the times I had said no to sex because I didn't like the guy
or didn't feel confortable with it had made me a prude and
that I probably didn't deserve the sex.
I wanted to have sex with [my boyfriend] but at the same
time I didn't, because I didn't want him to know my secret.
So one day it just happened: we were having drinks, we
went to bed and we did it. I didn't even bleed (maybe
because I had already broken my hymen masturbating) but
he didn't notice it was my first time. I was nervous, I wanted
him to feel he was having sex with a "normal" girl (thanks,
prejudice) so I didn't particularly enjoy it.
Now I can say I have a very healthy sex life. I'm not
ashamed of having sex and I'm not ashamed of my body
anymore. Of course, that doesn't mean I needed a man's
approval to like myself, but engaging in a very active sex life
has made me aware of just how much pleasure the female
body is capable of experiencing. But if people want to wait,
let them wait: it's ok to do it when you want to, when you
feel you're ready and with a partner you want. Do not feel
any pressure. Your value doesn't depend on being wanted
by others.
–25 years old girl, Colombia
-"I had the big 'O' on the first try"-
My first time was when I was 16 with my boyfriend of eight
months. He was my first love. It was December 30th. I
know! New Year's Eve would have sounded much better!
But we had been trying for a while. He finally "got in" that
night There was a blue glow over us. I had a blue lightbulb
in the ceiling light of my bedroom. He was a virgin, too. Our
friends were downstairs in the living room drinking. Mine
was the party house. I had the big "O" on the first try! Yay! I
was on top. He had a little pain, I did not. I had always
heard about [bleeding] but it didn't happen with me. It was
wonderful. We stayed together until after he graduated, for
2.5 years total. I was so heartbroken when we split. Other
than my husband, he is the only person I've had full on sex
with.
We talked a few years ago after 22 years… When we talked
about our first time he said he remembered the moonlight
on me. I had to remind him of the blue light. He
remembered the rest.
–43 years old mum, Pennsylvania
-Huffington Post
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