Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Is There Anything Like Caring Too Much In Your Relationship?

By Eniola Lawal 

CARE (meaning): Close attention; concern; responsibility; worry; upkeep.

When we care about each other in a relationship, we pay close attention to our partners, their emotions, their thoughts and their moods, which is nothing if not very normal. If we decide to rate the caring we give to our partners on a scale of 0-10, some people will rate at 8, some at 6, 4 gets my eyes rolling and 2 is evidently deficient but when we rate 12/10, should the partner remove their slippers, pick them up and run?

You may ask, how does one judge this ratings? Stick with me.

In my own personal opinion and for the records (you can gladly reference me on this), there is nothing like 'caring too much' or rating over the bar. Caring is solely based on both parties in the relationship; and I'll define them as "the giver and the receiver" of the care.

As the giver, if you're doing all you can for your partner at the same time as you're still trying to be more aware of yourself and what he needs from you, is it possible for you to be doing it too much? No!

Let me make this an instance; So as a student, you studied hard for your examinations, you already killed yours test and you have confidence that you just murdered the examinations too, what grade do you expect? Straight A's right?

And then your lecturer invites you to his office to tell you, "Son/daughter, I am highly impressed by you, your parents would really be proud of you also. You got an A, but it's a pity there's no grade like A++ or A raised to power 2, neither can I keep an extra 20marks till next session for you. Enjoy your A and see you around!"

What will your reactions be after you excuse yourself? Oh well, I know. You will be sad and decide never to study that hard again.

Of course not! You will jump around, play music, and try to do some stunts from 'you got served'. Or you will sing Whitney Houston's 'saving all my love for you' while you are dancing, you are just super excited because you studied hard and you got exceptional results and you will decide to give it your all next time so as to feel just as good with your results.

You as a giver will continue to give all your best to your examinations and not worry about any excesses that cannot be transferred. Your lecturer, representing the receiver, will never tell you to scale back but will continue to acknowledge and appreciate your efforts with A's. 

The lecturer too is not always the receiver, he/she is the giver when they are teaching you, and a good lecturer will give their best so their students can do very well in the exams!

It is the same in a relationship, there is nothing like caring too much. You give all you can, and the receiver, will receive on good notes or otherwise, either ways sending a vital message back to the giver.

From the moment we decide to be together as a couple, we should begin to willingly work on our differences, paying close attention to each other's personality, mood types, policies and principles... countless essential and non-essential things either consciously or sub-consciously.

I'm not talking cash or LV or Hugo Boss cologne or Loboutins, we make sacrifices, we take risks, we trust, we understand, we put up, we consider, we appreciate, we accept, we basically do a lot of things for each other in our relationships without duress or subjugation. However, sometimes if they are not appreciated or well acknowledged then we are greatly discouraged.

Therefore, caring is a two way thing. Remember this when you are on the receiving end, and don't forget the fact that you have to give too and that sometimes what you receive in return is determined by whether 'you continued giving or stopped'. There is nothing like caring or giving too much as long as the receiver appreciates and gives back too, all ratings be damned.

Whether you are the giver or receiver in your relationship, but you're already rating your partner and finding tthem wanting, remember these few things. No partner/spouse was born from the same womb, you met them one way or the other, got to know each other and fell in love. Where you both decide to begin a relationship is where the big project begins to become better carers, giving and receiving.

So to all my readers, give and don't bite yourself for doing it, it's never too much for whoever we want to be with. When you receive, receive with love and keep it in mind that your partner has gone out of their own will or way to give to you. In the end, we should all realize that we all are 'givers' and 'receivers'.


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