Saturday, March 15, 2014

What Men and Women Think After SEx

Last week we started an extensive thought-provoking discussion: we started enumerating what actually goes on in the minds of partners shortly after séx. Many partners in relationships are eager to travel down the memory lane with their loved ones immediately after séx. This inquisition is based on the quest to know if or whether their partners’ professed love and commitment is actually a reality or a mirage.

Dating partners or intending couples are not left out either. They want to know the truth. It has helped a lot of ‘about to be married’ partners to take decisions about their relationships. It has even helped avert a supposedly doomed marriage.

When a guy is only interested in a séxual intimacy and not a committed relationship, one of the cardinal signals is his thought shortly after séx, especially in a one-night stand. Once he is done, the next thing he does is staring at the ceiling with thoughts of choosing the right time to bid goodbye or how to get such free séxual favour over and again. And sometimes, some guys might not really want to end such so far the girl in question is willing to freely give séxual favour...

They can play along till they are ready to change séx partners. At this crucial time, it is important for the girl in question to cleverly ask what the guy is actually thinking about. When he is caught unawares, his reaction, facial expression, body movement and verbal expression or remark will definitely give him away. However some guys are so smart and could outwit the girl and pretend they are in such relationship for real. But close observation is needed here; it is important for the lady to watch out for some unconscious remarks, jokes, expressions and telephone conversations.

Some other guys who are indecisive nonetheless may be ready for commitment. They may be wondering what step to take next. Should he be calling her up to ask for another date? Should he be making conversations with her on a daily basis? Should he make his intention of commitment to her known? Can séx be the true measure of her commitment? How must he behave with her now that they had quenched their physical thirst? At this stage, a girl in love should try and start a sincere soul searching conversation with him so as to be able to measure the level of his commitment. 

Many times, girls make the mistake of thinking that séxual relationship prior to marital commitment makes the relationship solid. I do not think so because there may be nothing left to imagination again. Séxual encounters between the married seal the bond of intimacy more than imagined but séxual encounters between singles sour the union. Séx is never a good measure of a commitment in a relationship.

Séx is a means to an end and not an end itself; so it must be handled with every atom of carefulness. It must never be put up as bait for a good relationship. The primary test of commitment is to look out for real love because everyone wants to love and be loved. Even in a marriage relationship, great séx life between husband and wife does not connote nor present a great marriage, but rather an established loving companionship.

Singles should not jump and make séx a yardstick for a good one. It is better not to be in a relationship than be in one that séx is only the activity of the day. Singles must be convinced that the relationship is by choice and not by force. Any partner that forcefully demands for sex is an abusive partner. Dating relationship is a friendship relationship; friendship and not sexual passion is what holds relationship. When a partner in a relationship does not see reason for complete commitment, he or she is not expected to be in a relationship. 

Marriage is not for girls and boys because boys or girls always want opportunity without responsibilities. And when talking about responsibilities, age is irrelevant. When it comes to maturity, growing up is not the same thing as growing old and mature. There is more at stake in a relationship than just two people trying to meet each other’s sexual needs all the time. It is far complex than that. 

So next time a single is trying to envisage, envision, visualise, picture and imagine the thought of his or her partner, he must ask himself whether the relationship is worth the séxual sacrifices or not.