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Thursday, October 16, 2014

26 Years Of No Sex: Nigerian Bride Who Waited Till Her Wedding Night Tells Her Emotional/Inspiring Story

This Nigerian bride, Lola Akindele Busari has given us a reason why ladies should reserve their virginity till their wedding nights. She shared her inspiring story with Bellanaija and we decided to share it here too.
 
It wasn't all easy.....her first three boyfriends left her because they were not ready to accept her 'TeamVTillWN" principle....when she turned 26 however, she cried to God........it's quite a long story of waiting on God and how faithful God is...she further revealed how difficult it was, letting her husband come into her soul, the first time, on their wedding night...and more...enjoy the long but eye-opening piece below:
 

How Lola and Dayo met
At the end of July 2010, I had just come back from a holiday with my sister and friends and I was also rounding up my dissertation for my masters program. I was ready for the next stage of my life and I prayed for God to reveal my future husband, as I didn’t want to be lead astray by some of the guys in my life who had shown interest at that time.

I decided to do a week of prayer and fasting for God to please lead me to my future husband and to give me a discerning spirit throughout the whole process.
Being 26 years old, from the age of 16 up until I was 23, I had had 3 different boyfriends at different stages throughout that time. The reason for breaking up with each one however, had always been the same.
None of them could understand or accept my views on having no sex until marriage (even though they said they were fine with it at first). I had made this decision when I was 13 at my old church, KICC, after reading Pastor Matthew Ashimolowo’s book, “Let’s Talk About Sex” and it’s a decision that God has allowed me to keep, by His Grace.

So this time, I really needed God to bring the man that He had already destined for me to be with and not someone who I wanted to chose with my own reasoning.

The first day of my fast for the week was in August which was the first day that Pastor Matthew Ashimolowo had given out his mobile number for people to call him, just before IGOC 2010. My mother encouraged me to call him and so I did. I told Pastor Matthew my prayer points regarding my future husband and we both prayed for a discerning spirit so that I would know the right one whom God has chosen for me.

Strangely, throughout that week, I randomly received messages and calls from my ex boyfriends, telling me that they still wanted to be with me etc – but I was able to dismiss their advances without being drawn back in. Furthermore, for each of these ex boyfriends, God revealed things to me about them that were warning signs, confirming that He did not want me to be with them.

On the last day of my week of fasting I received a message from an old friend from University called Dayo. We had studied at Queen Mary’s together in 2006, until he left for a different university (UCL) where he completed his masters program. We occasionally kept in touch from time to time. But at this point, we hadn’t spoken for a while and I didn’t know his intentions and was not prepared to ‘waste’ time with another guy who was not ready to deal with my views on abstinence, so I ignored his message without blinking an eyelid.

Surprisingly, later that day, my mother randomly asked after him, saying that she hadn’t heard me mention him for a while. I was shocked and told her that he had actually sent me a message that morning. She urged me to reply to his message, which I did reluctantly.

He Was The Answer to My Prayers
We eventually started speaking, and when I asked why he had decided to contact me after so long, I learned that for some reason, after such a long time, he just felt an inexplicable urge to send me a message on the morning that had turned out to be my last day of prayer and fasting.

And thus began the start of something good. Until the night after our second date, when we were speaking on the phone and I asked him which church he attended. It was at this point that he went silent on the phone. He then said he had something to tell me, something that he had wanted to tell me face to face. I urged him to go on and that’s when he finally told me that he was a Muslim!
I honestly felt like I’d been slapped in the face by a mighty wave of shock and disbelief. Nevertheless, I simply informed him that we would just have to be friends and that as a believer in Christ, there would be no way that our relationship could go further towards the road of marriage.

I informed my parents and they supported my decision, however, I could feel a strong urging in my spirit, telling me not to break up our relationship and to just stay where I was with him. Of this I was certain but what I was not certain of was of how God wanted this to go. Was I just supposed to be a friend to him who would introduce him to Christ and after a period of time we would go our separate ways?
Angelic Intervention
It was not until January 2011 that God began to speak to me so clearly. At the start of January, I awoke at 3am to a bright light shining in my bedroom. There, standing by my wardrobe was a very tall angel dressed in sparkling white robes.
I was so afraid and I could feel a strange sensation surging through my body that would cause me to shake, like my whole body was vibrating and shock waves were going through me but at the same time it was a beautiful feeling.
And then the angel spoke to me. It said that God has seen that I’ve been worried about Dayo being a Muslim, but that I shouldn’t worry about it because in the Lord’s own time, He will bring Dayo to Christ and that the Lord has called for us to be together as husband and wife.

I was shocked, afraid, amazed and glad all at the same time. I couldn’t even speak and the Holy Spirit instructed me to write everything down that the angel had told me. I also wrote down the date and time that it happened and told my family about the visitation.

I was so happy. I had no clue when Dayo’s salvation would take place or when our wedding would be but I trusted in the Lord and even bought my wedding dress and started making wedding plans.

After this, for the next two years, every night at 3am, I would be awoken by the Holy Spirit and be taken to Heaven where I would spend time with the Lord and He would tell me various things about what would happen in my life in the future, as well as about the relationship that he had planned for Dayo and I.
One of the key things that Jesus told me during one of my visits was that He himself would bind Dayo and I together with cords of love that cannot be broken and that we will be joined together when we are made of the same material.
At one point in 2011 the Lord told me that when Dayo gives his life, a sign will take place and that sign would be: one of the elders in my church will come up to me after I have taught my Sunday school class, and enquire of Dayo and the wedding plans.

I wrote and documented everything down, sharing the Lord’s messages with my family but not with Dayo, as the Lord had said that I was not to reveal these things to him. That He himself would reveal Himself to Dayo so that all of the Glory would go to God and not to any man.
Each time that God spoke to me, I would feel that same sensation of shock waves surging through my body and His voice would sound like thunder in my ears, so loud and mighty but also very distinctly clear and full of love.
Deeply Spiritual Revelations
It was fantastic being so close to God and knowing that He truly does care about the individual lives of His people. However, it was also a very hard period in my life, when my faith was tested time and time again and when I was receiving words of doubt from certain people around me and even threats of being disowned because of my relationship with Dayo, I would cry and ask God ‘why is this happening to me? Why couldn’t I just be with a good man from church, where I would have none of these complications’.

But God is so faithful. And He always has a plan. Just before my 25th birthday, an angel came to my bedside, bringing a loaf of bread for me to eat. The Holy spirit explained to me that the bread is the Word of the Lord and that dwelling on the Word will bring strength to my spirit.The word of the Lord is the bread that sustains us and that is exactly what kept me going through what was set to be like the lowest point during the two year period of waiting on the Lord for Dayo’s salvation. It was a couple of days after the angel had brought me the bread, that my father had informed me that Dayo had asked for my hand in marriage – and that he had objected to it.

It was at this point that I cried out to the Lord and asked Him for help. I couldn’t stop crying. Then I remembered that the word of the Lord is my strength. Like Hezekiah who laid out his letter before the Lord, I wrote a letter to God, reminding him of His promises regarding Dayo’s salvation and our marriage – and I took the letter to the Lord in prayer and placed it in my Bible by Psalm 27, which states that we should wait patiently on the Lord.

Since the Lord had already told me about Dayo’s salvation, I needed to know if He wanted us to be married first and then Dayo would be saved -or if he was to be saved first, before we were to be married. So I asked the Lord to please make it clear. I did not tell anyone about what I had asked of the Lord that night, yet the next morning, my mother came to me saying that she had had a dream last night, where the Lord was wiping away my tears and comforting me, telling me that He knows that I want Dayo and I to be married now but that I must wait for his salvation first . I was so amazed when she told me and I then revealed to her that I had asked God for a sign regarding this the night before.
I knew that for certain, when God decrees a thing, it will surely come to pass. Exactly 3 months after this, on a Friday, Dayo informed me that he had finally finished reading a book called The Shack, that I had given to him almost 18 months previous to this time, which helped him to understand the God Head and the dynamics of God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit.

Dayo’s Salvation
That very same night, my mother had a dream that the time for Dayo’s salvation was now. At 3 am, she woke up everyone in my family and told us to pray for Dayo, for his salvation was almost at hand.

I prayed, believing in God’s promises but also having a slight sense of doubt and despair, for I knew that the past two years had been so difficult. Furthermore, at this point in time, Dayo and I had taken a break, as I wanted him to seek Christ and the truth for himself, and to not accept Christianity just because of me or to just accept Islam because he had grown up in a Muslim home.

I explained that the truth is found in having a true personal experience and relationship with God for yourself and then you will truly know which is the right way to follow God.

God told me that He would put spiritual wings behind Dayo’s ears so that when He calls him to salvation, he would hear and know that Jesus truly is the Lord and to God be the glory, the very next night, after my mother’s dream, Dayo gave his life to Christ and he later explained that he had had a dream that revealed the truth of Christ to him.

The next day was a Sunday…and it was the week that I was scheduled to teach my Sunday school class. And in accordance with the Lord’s perfect promises, after the service, as I was walking out of Sunday school, the very same elder that God had told me about over a year ago, approached me as I was leaving and asked me about Dayo and the wedding, just as God said it would happen.

Straight after I had spoken to this elder, my Pastor, Pastor Ashaye called me aside, saying that he wanted a meeting the next week to discuss the progress regarding Dayo’s salvation. At this point I hadn’t told him about Dayo’s salvation yet and I truly knew that God was moving.

I can only give God the glory because it’s all by His doing. His plans for us will never fail and His pure love for us goes beyond anything that we could imagine.
I am truly grateful to God for blessing me with a man who, despite not being a Christian before, still respected my love for Christ and my views regarding no sex before marriage – a view that even my ex Christian boyfriends could never accept.

God has blessed me with the man of my dreams and brought me my true prince. In fact, at a time when I questioned God about His decision to bring me a Muslim man instead of a Christian, and I was beginning to feel envious of typical young ladies who found their husbands in Church, God’s exact words to me were: You have your prince in Dayo.

I truly bless the Lord for His faithfulness and I thank God for the encouragement and support of my close friends, my siblings, my father and especially my mother, because God revealed things concerning Dayo’s salvation to her and her support throughout it all has been an incredible blessing.
 
 A year after....
Losing my Virginity
Now, it’s interesting that I can joke about S.E.X. right now – because a year ago, when we got married, to be quite frank…I was in tears when I fully realised how painful it actually was to lose my virginity. It was not a laughing matter at the time AT ALL! And I don’t mean painful in the sense that I felt I was losing a piece of myself… far from it! And it wasn’t even the fact that it just physically REALLY hurt! The thing that ‘pained me’ the most was the fact that I was with the love of my life, we had just had the most beautiful wedding with all our friends and loved ones, dancing away and popping (non alcoholic) sparkling wine… and when it was time to now Pop The Cherry…I was too afraid! I felt as though I was not fulfilling my first wifely task.
We had stayed at the spa hotel in which we got married for a couple of days before we flew off to the Dominican Republic (and not Barbados – private joke) for the honeymoon…and I felt so distraught that I was letting my husband down. On the night of the wedding, I was full of mixed emotions. I had finally gotten married! It was all I had ever dreamed about. I had been planning the big day since forever… It was so lovely and beautiful and my husband is the best thing that’s happened to me apart from Jesus…he waited for me and respected and adopted my views on having no premarital sex from the beginning – so WHY was it so difficult to Just Do It? ‘Nike’ lied! I wanted to…but just couldn’t.
Vaseline at the Wedding
I was very fortunate to have two married woman in my close circle of friends who gave me a lot of very useful advice, one of them even slipped me a small container of Vaseline whilst I was on the dance floor in my wedding dress, telling me I would need it for later that night. I was laughing at the time when she gave it to me. I was soon to find out (as mentioned earlier) that it was not a laughing matter at all! I was so lucky, as my wonderful husband is just the best because he was so patient and gentle.

The key is to relax they say…well…according to numerous “How To…” tips on Google that is. I tried to…but I just kept hearing this voice saying…”You’re letting him down…You’re letting him down…He waited for you all these years and now that it’s time to do it you can’t!” It was horrible knowing that it felt like I could not go through with it. The pain, the anxiety, the fear of him being disappointed in me…there was no way I could relax! On top of that, I had heard a story about a young couple who had just recently gotten married and who had requested for an annulment of the marriage because of this very same situation. The wife felt as though she couldn’t go through with losing her virginity, no matter what they tried.

What the Church Says & Reality
At church, the message from the pulpit is always ‘save yourself for marriage’ – which is good…and it’s what I did. However, The Church seems to be producing batches of women who yes, may come to their married bed as virgins …but they are more or less left to their own devices after that. Old wives tales, advise from mothers and jokes about it from friends aren’t really enough to fully prepare you for what to expect. I guess everyone’s different and everyone’s first time will most certainly be different – but The Church should also have in place a platform (or a session included within their premarital counselling) whereby they’re not afraid to touch on the subject of the Wedding Night and how it’s different when marrying a virgin.
 
It would be good to have some sort of dialogue in place between the future spouses regarding the importance of being gentle and patient or even perhaps certain positions that will help make it easier, such as propping a pillow under your pelvis (for the woman), which helps make your fist time go a lot more smoothly. (A technique I learnt from Google whilst on my honeymoon. For the first couple of days I would be like: Hold on! Let me quickly get the pillow first! Lol!) Thus couples can discuss these different methods beforehand, which should help better prepare them for their wedding night.
However the most beautiful part of it all was remembering that God does not give us more than we can bear.
He had blessed me with such a wonderful and caring husband and my hubby was so sweet and just kept telling me “It’s ok, don’t worry about anything… it will happen.”
Lola Akindele & Dayo Busari | Yoruba Nigerian Christian Wedding in the UK | BellaNaija - October 2014 01.DL324-2
There’s no way I could imagine going through that process with someone who didn’t love me or who was just using me, as some women and even some teenage girls have to go through.

I asked the Holy Spirit to open up everything that needed to be opened in order to make this happen and to give me the ability to stop over thinking everything and to just relax. To make light of the situation, my husband so lovingly reminded me that the children that we’re looking forward to having one day, are going to have to come through this avenue. We laughed… and laughed some more.
Lola Akindele & Dayo Busari | Yoruba Nigerian Christian Wedding in the UK | BellaNaija - October 2014 016
It was good to be with someone who was so calm about the whole thing and that also helped to make everything easier. Something that is supposed to be a natural process of life, something that I hadn’t experienced in all of my 26 years, but was now ready to experience… was NOT going to be turned into something that would now try and steal my joy. Oh no honey! When I prayed, I prayed for Wisdom – wisdom for how to best deal with the situation and for the strength to bear the pain and to overcome it so that I could please my husband and so that we could both enjoy something that God himself had created for us to enjoy in marriage.
Lola Akindele & Dayo Busari | Yoruba Nigerian Christian Wedding in the UK | BellaNaija - October 2014 009 
My Sailor 
Praise God, like a dream, everything just calmed down, seemed more relaxed and it happened. Surprisingly, during the honeymoon, my body discovered a new found flexibility that had never existed before! It was going into positions that I hadn’t even thought it could do. My husband is a rather reserved man in public, a symbol of integrity even – but in the privacy of our bedroom (or whichever room it happens to take place in even)… there are no reservations!
He sure does know how to handle his business! And now everything is plain sailing! I call him the captain of my ship and will often send him a message when he’s at work saying “Oi! Oi! Sailor!” because he knows how to navigate this vessel towards reaching the best…well…I’ll just say it: Orgasms out there – whether the tide be low or high!
Lola Akindele & Dayo Busari | Yoruba Nigerian Christian Wedding in the UK | BellaNaija - October 2014 010

On Babies
And of course with love – making comes babies! Another one of the main topics that arise within the first year of marriage. I can’t even count the number of times people have asked me when I will be ready for the children to come. Having been born and raised in London my whole life, I’m accustomed to being naturally “rather-reserved” as they say the English are. Thus I don’t take too kindly to the numerous lovely, but on occasion, overbearing Nigerian aunties who feel that it’s ok to grab hold of me and pat my stomach every time they see me saying: “Ah! Ah! When are the babies coming now???” Erm… when we as a couple have decided we are ready for that thank you very much! And of course… In God’s own time.

There’s also the matter to consider when you are expecting to be pregnant and it doesn’t seem to be happening for whatever reason. Again, I believe that nothing is impossible with God and being at peace with His timing and decisions can be a source of comfort to hold on to in the midst of an incredibly heart breaking or testing time.

On Debt/Finances for Newlyweds
They say once the wedding’s over, your honeymoon has come and gone and the stories about the Hen Night, Bridal Shower and Traditional Engagement that all preceded the big day…have fizzled out like stale champagne…you’re left with: A gaping big hole of debt…The reality of what it really means to be stuck with each other for the rest of your lives…
Lola Akindele & Dayo Busari | Yoruba Nigerian Christian Wedding in the UK | BellaNaija - October 2014 012
AND…For those who were virgins before the wedding night…There’s the excruciating process of trying to overcome the pain of having sex for the first time and establishing a fulfilling sex life with your husband. The first year of marriage can be one of the most challenging and testing years of all – and statistics show that the rate of divorce spikes within the second year of marriage, seeing as within the UK, divorce proceedings are not allowed during the first 12 months of being married.
Lola Akindele & Dayo Busari | Yoruba Nigerian Christian Wedding in the UK | BellaNaija - October 2014 002
Well I for one am so grateful to God because He’s blessed my family and my husband’s family in such a way that debt and money issues regarding the wedding was not even in the picture for us… so smooth sailing on that front. Thankfully, a combination of the upbringing we have had, the teachings we receive from the pulpit and relevant books/seminars on financial integrity have enabled us to be sensible when it comes to the subject of money. And this is extremely key, seeing as approximately 65% of marriages end in divorce because of money issues. We’ve always had financial goals and aspirations but over this past year, we’ve been encouraged to put these ideas to paper and to plan out the next ten years of our lives – which is a great help.

Travelling With Him
Going on holiday and having alone time away from it all has also been a wonderful and interesting experience. I had never travelled abroad with him whilst we were dating so for me, holidays had always either been with my family or with my girlfriends. Since the wedding, we’ve travelled to The Dominican Republic (for our honeymoon), Portugal, Dubai (Got stuck in Qatar lol) and now Paris…the City of Love to celebrate our first wedding anniversary. We’ve also travelled away to some countryside locations in England and it’s always interesting discovering new parts of the world together. The best thing is being on holiday with not just your man…but your HUSBAND! Whenever there’s a guy staring at you on the beach or trying to approach you at the bar…just flash your ring at them! It works like a charm…well…most of the time. Either way, it’s a great feeling being away from it all and being away from the normalcy of life, just having a break, like a Time- Out session together, to recuperate before hitting the grind again.
(Clockwise) Birthday getaway to English countryside; Church family fun day to raise money for an orphanage; Wedding in Newcastle; Wedding in Dubai; Typical Sunday after church
(Clockwise) Birthday getaway to English countryside; Church family fun day to raise money for an orphanage; Wedding in Newcastle; Wedding in Dubai; Typical Sunday after church
Alongside that however, I’ve also learnt to treasure the everyday, even mundane moments with my husband. As great as it is chilling with our friends and going out to dinner parties, events, visiting people etc…sometimes, I just long for those moments when we’re both curled up in the living room of our apartment , the balcony door left open, letting in that crisp, cool river breeze, as we’re wrapped up in a blanket on the floor (despite having a sofa suite), with a big old bowl of popcorn (me), suya (him) and Supermalt (both of us) or tomato juice (most DEFINITELY only him), watching one of our favourite shows (Suits, The Good Wife, Breaking Bad, Orange Is The New Black, 24, Scandal, Downton Abbey etc) hooked up from his laptop, via that oh so precious HDMI cable – and it’s just the two of us in our little haven of home.
Lola Akindele & Dayo Busari | Yoruba Nigerian Christian Wedding in the UK | BellaNaija - October 2014 030
On Home
Speaking of home, this past year has been a true revelation of what Home actually is. When I was younger, I was accustomed to the popular phrase: ‘Home is where the heart is.’ I simply took this to mean that home is a special place -which is some-what accurate. However, my first year of marriage has taught me that there’s an even deeper sense to the phrase. It’s easy to find or be found by a guy, fall in love, have a lavish wedding and live the rest of your lives together. But what kind of life is it that you’re spending together? There are many married couples who have spent decades together but the kind of life that they’ve lived has been an unhappy one. And I believe that the heart of one’s life is in fact their home. The home they came from, the home they’re in now or the home they hope to build. (Let me clarify that I mean Home and not House)And thus, having been a newlywed, I was determined to make my new Home where my heart is. And when there’s a King, he must recognise his Queen – which is how my husband treats me each and every day. In the space of this past year,
Cooking … and looking sexy while doing it.
Lola Akindele & Dayo Busari | Yoruba Nigerian Christian Wedding in the UK | BellaNaija - October 2014 028
I’ve been so grateful to my mother for the home training she instilled in her children when we were growing up (At the time, I thought it was an abomination that she was making me cook soup and okra at the age of 10 – but I sure do appreciate it now!) Taking care of my home is something I take great pride in. It can be annoying and stressful with cooking and cleaning everyday – no doubt…but it keeps a happy home and there’s pure joy in seeing your husband’s face when he comes home from work and you know that both of your hearts are happy in the home you’ve built.
I’ve learnt that it also helps to wear something nice and sexy when doing the cooking and cleaning – or nothing at all with just an apron on can suffice – you’ll find that the food tastes – oh just that bit sweeter! The whole house seems to be just that bit more sparkly and clean …and it won’t just be your excellent culinary skills that have kept him very… how do I put this? That’s right – Satisfied!
Lola Akindele & Dayo Busari | Yoruba Nigerian Christian Wedding in the UK | BellaNaija - October 2014 006
On Prayer
And finally…perhaps the most important thing I’ve learnt in my first year of marriage is something that I’ve always known , except now that Two have become One, the meaning of it resonates on a much deeper level. It is the power and importance of Prayer.
We have a Couples’ Devotion Bible, which is really great, as it helps us to plan our weekly Bible study around the theme of our marriage and everything else more or less stems from there. We also have Holy Communion together once a week at home. The assistant Pastor at our church once mentioned how it doesn’t have to be limited to once a month in a church service or every week at Mass. Why not bring it into your home?
Lola Akindele & Dayo Busari | Yoruba Nigerian Christian Wedding in the UK | BellaNaija - October 2014 031
At my bridal shower, amongst some very…shall I say… Stimulating gifts, one of my very close friends also gave me something to stimulate my prayer life as a married woman. It’s a book called “The Power of a Praying Wife”, by Stormie Omartin. It’s an incredible book and has truly helped me when it comes to knowing exactly what aspects of my husband’s life to pray for… from praying for his work, to his finances, to his integrity, to his faith…and everything else in between really. Even how to handle arguments, and falling out with each other would be covered by prayer.

We Never Argue
Fortunately, my husband and I don’t really argue. In the past four years that we’ve been together, we’ve only ever had one major argument thank God. It sounds strange but it’s the truth. And it’s not just because we get along so well like Jack and Jill…it’s primarily because of prayer.
Lola Akindele & Dayo Busari | Yoruba Nigerian Christian Wedding in the UK | BellaNaija - October 2014 004

Looking Ahead
I know that it’s only been the first year and we still have A LOT to learn as we continue on our journey of life as Man and Wife. As stated earlier, by no means do I proclaim to be a marriage expert in any shape or form but I do believe that the first year of marriage can be one of the hardest for many couples who do not know what to expect or how to deal with certain situations. I know that God has brought my husband and I together and I know that He wants to use our marriage to be a blessing to the lives of others and to honour and glorify Him and thus we are happy to have shared our 1st year of marital bliss with you.
Lola Akindele & Dayo Busari | Yoruba Nigerian Christian Wedding in the UK | BellaNaija - October 2014 027
Remain blessed,
Faith, Hope and Love,
Mrs Lola Akindele Busari
Photos and story originally posted on BellaNaija.

8 comments:

  1. awwwwww....she just so lucky

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  2. thanks for sharing this story...its long but amazing

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  3. this story is long sha...

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  4. i swear, i ve a learnt alot from this interesting post...God Bless your union Lola..Thank for sharing this with us... i wish i was still a virgin

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  5. Extremely long...inspiring sha

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  6. i hope that one day,i can be this happy...God bless your home....

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  7. Im also determined to keep my virginity till marriage.......although I'm 20,it hasn't been easy. Bravo to u.

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