There should be an introductory sentence here but somehow, I couldn't come up with any. So, in light of
the brouhaha that this Okada ban in certain areas of Lagos caused, I thought of something bright, so I
came up with tips on the above subject. Thank me later.
1. Be smelly. Be a very smelly guy.
2. By all means, be an asshole. Rain curses and insults on motorists and pedestrians – how else will they learn to fear and respect you?
3. Most motorists don't know how to drive, tell them.
4. Pretend to be stupid. Stupid people are very cute, everyone loves them.
5. Master the art of recklessness. You Only Live Once anyway.
6. When your passenger says you're over speeding, stop the bike. Are they mad? Make them understand
that you have other passengers to pick up; besides, the bike can't be any slower – it was designed for speed. Embarrass them if you must.
7. If your passenger is a JJC, charge them three times the normal fare. Take them on a jolly ride round the area. They're daft, they won't understand.
8. The helmet you reserve for your passenger must be oversize, preferably as big as a bucket. The bigger the safer.
9. When traffic is blocked, face the on-coming traffic. You're well-respected; they'll clear the lane for you.
10. When a Traffic Authority stops you, don't stop.
Only dumb guys stop, you're smarter than that and you know it's easier to run away, so speed off.
Nobody's life is in danger; they're all goats, chilling to get killed by an imbecile. Run!
11. When the Government restricts your movement to certain areas of the State (for your safety and
other reasons best know to them), protest violently. Disturb the peace of the society. Give them several
reasons to fear your notoriety. Afterall, you own Lagos.
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